I couldn’t speak. I tried. But she didn’t want to hear. She didn’t say that and yet she managed to. I was diagnosed long ago in her eyes – everything is fine, everything is fine.
I wonder if:
A) Things are so bad for her she doesn’t want to think that its that bad for me therefore she tunes it out
B) Over the years I have created such a façade of “things are alright” that now when I try to speak no one really hears
But I didn’t encourage the truth either; whenever I came towards the truth she would steer me back towards her version of it, and I didn’t take corrective action. Instead I kept to the path she was driving us both on.
As a child, Arkansas was quite the gymnast – she won medals and took national awards. And now her eldest daughter, Memphis (12) is following that path. Next week she is flying to Estonia to take part in an International tournament.
Miami (6) is an actress, she fills the room with energy. Hours later, at such a young age, she already showed signs of the brooding artist – tired and grumpy, she smacked her little brother and ignored us all in a fit of tantrum.
And Raphael (4.5) is like an angel – white, blonde, quiet; a momma’s boy dominated by 3 woman who must be wrecking havoc on his life.
Things I [want/should/ should want] to do
Spend time with the kids, there is hope right there - their eyes see the world as an open playground. Though they don't know it, a world of potential lies before them.
Hunger
The physical kind, is there - it was not said though I can hear - because I know it myself.
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